Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
BRING THE BAGELS
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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