I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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