wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
