there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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