I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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