I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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