I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
