I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
