Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
