He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize