Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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