He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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