I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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