whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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