The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
