i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
