My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
