I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
