I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
