you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
