Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
