I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
