how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
