I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
