I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
