I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
