Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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