Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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