I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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