is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
