There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
