If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
