My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
