Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
