I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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