I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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