once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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