This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize