you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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