my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
