i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
two words: eviction party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I supernannyed him into submission
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
