One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
