I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize