I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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