i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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