No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
