y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can i not drive my cunt home
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
