I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
