sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
