3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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