I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
