If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
