Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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