I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
