GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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