She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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