Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
operation harelip BJ is a go
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize