We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
