You can't special order awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
