brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
