oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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