Me too!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
