Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
