I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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