seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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