That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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