I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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