She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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