It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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