Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
