is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
