Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
