I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
