my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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