I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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