I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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