Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
