I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
