Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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