I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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