franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
