I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
