You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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