The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
