I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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