my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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