we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize