I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
