if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
