Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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