i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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