This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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