is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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