if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
